Understanding Grief and Mental Health: A Journey Through Loss and Healing
Understanding bereavement with Dr. Marica Tipton
Grief is a deeply personal journey, unique to each individual. While it may manifest differently in everyone, there are some universal truths about grief, healing, and mental health that can help us navigate this difficult path.
Grief and Your Lifestyle Before Loss
One of the most important aspects to understand about grief is that it doesn't necessarily change who we are at our core. If you were a homebody before experiencing loss, isolating yourself afterwards doesn’t automatically mean your grief is unhealthy. It’s crucial to differentiate between how a person naturally copes and potential warning signs of deeper issues. If someone was introverted before, it’s normal for them to continue that way after a loss. Grief manifests differently in different people, and it's not always about drastic changes in behavior.
However, when grief becomes prolonged or severely affects daily functioning, that’s when it may signal a deeper emotional struggle that needs attention. Let’s explore the stages of grief and how they impact mental health.
The Five Stages of Grief
Grief is not a linear process, and its timeline varies greatly from person to person. Typically, we recognize five key stages:
Acknowledging the Reality of the Loss
The first and hardest step is accepting the loss. Depending on the circumstances of the death, this can be particularly painful. For example, losing a loved one to a prolonged illness like cancer is different from experiencing the sudden loss of a healthy family member through a tragic accident. Both are traumatic, but the suddenness of an unexpected death can be harder to process. Accepting the reality of the loss can take years, and that’s okay. It’s a journey that doesn’t come with a deadline.Working Through Emotional Turmoil
This stage is filled with waves of emotions—anger, confusion, doubt, and often questioning faith or life itself. A powerful example comes from my own experience with my mother’s cancer battle. I witnessed testimonies of people healed miraculously, and yet my mother’s story ended differently. Reconciling these feelings—questioning why others were saved and she wasn’t—was a huge part of my grief. It’s important to understand that anger, confusion, and even spiritual questioning are normal and part of the healing process.Adjusting to the New Environment
The absence of a loved one creates a massive void. Learning to live in a world where they’re no longer physically present is often overwhelming. Some people may keep their loved one’s room untouched for years, while others may move forward more quickly. This adjustment period is unique to each individual, and there is no right or wrong way to handle it.Living Life Without Their Presence
This phase is all about adjusting daily life without them—no longer sharing meals, conversations, holidays, or small, everyday moments. For example, I used to talk to my mother 10 to 15 times a day, and when she passed, the reality of her absence hit me hard. It’s an emotional struggle that may never fully disappear, but over time, we learn to live without their physical presence, while still holding on to cherished memories.Time Doesn’t Diminish Grief
There is no expiration date on grief. Even years after a loss, something as simple as a photo, a song, or a scent can bring back strong emotions. It’s important to recognize that just because time has passed doesn’t mean the pain is gone. People may say insensitive things like, “It’s been 10 years, aren’t you over it?” But grief doesn’t work that way. It’s important to give ourselves permission to feel and to mourn, no matter how long it has been.
Navigating Mental Health During Grief
Grief can sometimes exacerbate or lead to mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. As someone who battled a rare cancer, I understand how physical and emotional trauma can intertwine. In my case, I experienced severe anxiety after my cancer diagnosis, which wasn’t fully addressed until I researched and learned more about mental health. This is why understanding mental health is critical for anyone dealing with grief or trauma.
It’s vital to recognize that mental health issues are common, especially during times of loss. Anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms like sleeplessness or constant fatigue are natural responses to grief. However, when these feelings persist or worsen, it’s important to seek professional help.
When Mental Health Crosses the Line
Mental health disorders exist on a continuum from mild to severe. Sometimes, especially in severe cases, individuals may experience hallucinations or delusions. If you see someone behaving erratically—talking to themselves, for instance—they might be experiencing a mental health crisis. While it’s crucial to have compassion, it’s equally important to ensure your own safety. Those with severe mental health issues may become dangerous, so taking appropriate precautions is necessary.
Symptoms of mental health struggles can include withdrawing from social situations, even if the person wasn’t inclined to do so before the loss. When this happens, it may be a sign that their grief has evolved into something more serious, such as clinical depression or anxiety.
Compassion and Understanding
One of the most helpful things we can offer to those grieving or dealing with mental health challenges is compassion. Sometimes, well-meaning individuals say things that can be hurtful, like, “Don’t cry, you’ll be okay,” or, “You’ve been grieving long enough.” It’s important to remember that everyone’s grief journey is unique. Simply being present and offering a listening ear is often more supportive than trying to offer solutions or advice.
At the end of the day, grief is a complex, deeply personal experience. Mental health plays a significant role in how we cope with loss, and understanding these connections can help both ourselves and those around us heal. If you or someone you know is struggling, don't hesitate to seek professional support or reach out to loved ones.
